Opinion: Be a Decent Woman, and Let Your Wife Sleep Through the Latest Episode, You Absolute Goblin!
By Susan Kippling | March 30, 2025
Listen, babe. I know you want to wake her up. She’s curled up on the couch, wrapped in the comfort of a blanket and the emotional exhaustion of daily existence, and here you are, vibrating with pure, chaotic energy because something huge just happened in The Show You Both Agreed to Watch Together.
Maybe a character just confessed their forbidden love. Maybe a long-lost sister was revealed. Maybe a dragon exploded. Whatever it is, you have one single, burning desire:
You want to shake your wife awake and say, “Babe, you’re missing it.”
Put your hands down. Step away from the sleeping woman.
She Does Not Care, My Love
I know you think she cares. I know you want her to care. But let me tell you something: She has chosen peace.
Her body, after enduring a full day of work, stress, emotional labor, and possibly carrying the burden of being the only one who remembers when the cat last ate, has made a decision. And that decision was to pass the hell out right here, right now, during your show.
And now you, a menace to tranquility, are hovering beside her like some kind of medieval town crier, preparing to shake her awake while whispering, “Babe, the betrayal scene is happening.”
Do not do this.
She’s Not “Just Resting Her Eyes.” She’s Gone, Babe. Let Her Go.
I know what you’re about to say:
“She’s not actually asleep! She’s just resting her eyes!”
Oh, my sweet summer wife. No, she’s not. That’s a classic wife lie. She says it because she doesn’t want to argue about watching yet another intense psychological drama when all she really wanted was to stare at something soft and brainless, like a baking competition or a show about tiny homes.
If you wake her up, she will not suddenly become invested in the plot. She will, instead, do one of two things:
Pretend to care while staring blankly at the screen, absorbing zero percent of what’s happening.
Fall back asleep immediately, leaving you even more frustrated than before.
And worst of all? She will remember this act of betrayal.
You Have Two Choices, and Only One Ends in Bliss
So, here’s what’s going to happen. You’re going to let her sleep. You’re going to finish the episode in dignified, respectful silence. And when she wakes up tomorrow and asks, “What happened last night?”, you will not launch into a scene-by-scene breakdown like some kind of unhinged film professor.
Instead, you will say: “Oh, nothing major, we can rewatch it later.”
You will not be passive-aggressive about it. You will not say, “Ugh, you always fall asleep” with an exasperated sigh. You will not break into a ten-minute monologue about the most important moment of television history she tragically missed.
Because if you do—if you wake her up just to watch her blink at you in confusion, if you try to explain the entire plot arc in one breath, if you turn this into a whole thing—I promise you, she will stop watching TV with you forever.
And then? You will be alone, trapped in TV Purgatory, where every new episode is met with a weary, “Just watch it without me, babe.”
So make the right choice. Let your wife sleep.
Your marriage depends on it.
